From a flyer (presumably sent to prospective freshmen) entitled "The Columbia University Bands."
If you were a high school musician who
didn't want to practice for long hours each
afternoon to play three-movement symphonies
while forming pinwheels on the fifty-yard
line, you had the right idea. That kind of
nonsense doesn't interest Columbia Bandsmen
either. We have a different view of what a
marching band should be.
Known to colleagues, the press, and fans
as "The Cleverest Band in the World," we
have, as Sports Illustrated noted, totally
changed the traditional band format by
"frankly forming unrecognizable blobs and
calling them whatever they want. Columbia
fans have watched their band form a mandolin
pick, a white backlash, a heart murmur, a
piece of moral decay, a lump of
consciousness (they expanded), an apron
string and a Shakespearean sonnet
The Band received nation-wide notoriety
for its half-time show on birth control.
Commenting on the touchy subject of planned
parenthood, it formed a chastity belt while
playing Don't Fence Me In, a "regular"
calendar for I've Got Rhythm, and since the
best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft
a-gley, a shotgun for Get Me to the Church
The New York Post reported, in a feature
story: "It has just been revealed that, on
the way to the Harvard game on Yom Kippur,
where a skeleton crew of forty played Onward
Christian Soldiers, the band stopped at Yale
at 3 a.m. to play Brown songs [masquerading
as the Brown Band] and at Brown at 6 a.m. to
play Yale songs [while Brown and Pembroke
students cursed the Yale Band]." The Band,
at another Ivy contest, shocked a preppy
Princeton audience by lauding the
"well-rounded" student body of Old Nassau,
and the formed the letters W-A-S-P while
playing Cherry Pink and Apple-Blossom White.
In a "Salute to Moral Decay" the Band
announced that they would salute the topless
bathing suit. With a spirited rendering of
These are a Few of My Favorite Things, the
Band ran off the field leaving two
strategically placed tubas.
Turning from sex to politics, the Band
showed the widespread support for President
Johnson- by running off the field playing So
Long It's Been Good To Know You. In another
show, commenting on Spiro Agnew's inability
to keep his feet out of his mouth, we formed
one of his famous "All Purpose Ethnic Slurs."
Sports Illustrated reported a classic band
maneuver which took place at a Columbia-
Harvard game attended by the late President
Kennedy: "It was Columbia that first
nominated Barry Goldwater for President by
announcing When J. Barry Silverwater is
elected, the whole nation will rejoice in
the knowledge that 'under his expert
leadership we shall be ever marching ahead'
and then marching off the field backward, to
the roar of the crowd."
The Band travels to all football games,
provides hotel accommodations on all
overnight trips, and makes regularly
unscheduled stops at Vassar, Smith, Mt.
Holyoke, and Sarah Lawrence.
If you are interested, see us in
September and help us write our show on the
anniversary of the Peloponnesian War or
assist in parachuting baby blue bandsmen
from helicopters onto Baker Field, as part
of a Vietnam War half-time show.
The Pep Bands are Columbia teams' most
loyal and vocal supporters. Leading the
cheering with such familiar Columbia fight
cheers as William Tell Overture, the Ode To
Joy from Beethoven's 9th, and Purcell's
Trumpet Tune & Ayre, baby blue bandsmen can
be found at every kind of athletic contest:
basketball games, wrestling matches, fencing
meets, crew races, swimming meets, and
soccer matches. You name it, we've been
there, instilling and imbibing spirits.
Pep Bands, admitted to games despite a
severe shortage of student tickets, have
traveled with the basketball team from
Hanover, N. H. to the NCAA competition in
Raleigh, N. C. This year we will continue as
the only Ivy band to play at every regular
basketball game, home and away, and, in
addition, to attend the Christmas-time
tourney in Philadelphia.
[Not us.. I'll be damned if i'm gonna type it in.]
AD HOC GROUPS
A band can materialize for any occasion.
Bandsmen in baby blue spread cheer at 5 a.m.
Barnard fire drills, at Dean's debates, at
power failures, and even on the Johnny
Carson show, where we celebrated Johnny's
birthday. The Ad-Hoc Beethoven's Birthday
and Christmas Caroling Band makes annual
trips to the Rockefeller Center. After years
of being thrown off Columbia-owned property,
the band has recently been met with a new
spirit- drinks provided by David
Above all there is the ascendant Band
Spirit, a sprightly guardian angel, 200
proof and dripping with joy, who, in
addition to watching over the members of the
Band, has been known to spirit flags from
rivals' flagpoles and to gain other prizes
we dare mention only in whispers.
[Also is not us. Don't fuck with their piano.]
Cover has either Marching or Pep band, in what I assume to be baby-blue blazers (black and white photo) with dark ties and assorted
sweater-vests. Dark pants. Below this is a picture of the Chamber orchestra.
P. 2, which has Marching and Pep text, features
[a close-up of a bone in uniform with clear rain gear playing on the field]
Even a formidable downpour will not dampen
the spirits of a Columbia Bandsman
[a thirty-five yard sperm]
The band, recalling Ben Franklin's
observation that 'There has never been a
good war or a bad peace,' tried to prod our
government to the negotiating table by
extending this peace feeler.
[an ad hoc fire drill band (signs include: "Do you love it?" and "Columbia University - Ad Hoc - Fire Drill Band") in uniform with assorted
The Band's thoughtful serenading lightens
the drudgery of a 5 a. m. Barnard fire drill.