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There are just about a dozen scramble bands that we know of. You'll notice that they can only be found at the best schools in the nation. Oh, and Penn, too. Here's the list of the ones we know of:
Ivy League and Penn
- Brown: We like Brown. Probably because they fashioned themselves in our image. And got their hands on a button-making machine. A DISTURBINGLY nice group of people. They do need to work on their scrambling, though.
- Columbia: If you got this far, we'll assume you know all about us.
- Dartmouth: Dartmouth's band is pretty big... what else is there to do up in Hanover? They're painfully unclever - they heavily overuse top ten lists and their biggest joke seems to be the fact that they wear zany hats on the field. They also like going to Times Square. Losers. They fit in well at a place where people fuck sheep and kill professors to unwind.
- Harvard: The Hahvahd band is barely a scramble band; they march in straight lines and have dressy uniforms and aren't always scripted. They also make frequent use of a cap gun, probably to compensate for their miniscule wit.
- University of Pennsylvania: The Penn band is sorta a combination of Harvard and Dartmouth.. They march in straight lines and do unscripted pregames like the Harvard band; they have casual uniforms and often insult the other school directly (i.e. not in the form of a joke i.e.e not clever). They are stingy with half-time time and have some kind of inferiority complex.
- Princeton: You've gotta respect Princeton, despite the fact that they make their uniforms out of old bus seats. They're pretty clever, and their college actually supports athletics. Our most serious Ivy Band competition.
- Yale: The Yale Band used to be really cool and get in trouble all the time. In the 80's, however, their administration bleached them into a well-behaved and rather dull organization. Their halftime shows are a surreal mishmash of improv comedy and avant garde performance art.
- Stanford: RIP. Stanford's band is really cool, but because of recent administrative fuckery and a very serious War on Fun™, they are out of commision. Transfer to Columbia? Sadly, what’s left of them is stuck on the other side of the USA. Did you know on the West Coast, they call Scramble Bands Scatter Bands? And you know what they call miscies? Royale with cheese. If the Stanford band is any fun when they are back to work and if some day we end up in the same town as the LSJUMB, they're gonna be cleaning up the Liquid Fun for weeks.
- Rice: They make a large to-do about the fact that they do NOT ever not once ever never even think about marching. Their scripts are bland and designed not to offend any Sons of the Confederacy who might be in the stands. The most clever thing about them is that they call themselves “the MOB”. Still, they.re a bastion of scrambling in a land of real marching. The Rice Band would also like you to know that they do not march.
- Humboldt: The Marching Lumberjacks. Not exactly a scramble band, but clever nonetheless. And they have one helluva cartoon mascot. From the look of their website… they think they’re pretty cool.
- Williams: Uh, I haven't actually gotten around to checking out their web page, but they look weird enough to be included here.
- UC Davis: The CAMB calls themselves "The Coolest Band in the World. I smell copyright infringement. Anyway, they "combine real marching with scatter band-style shows and scripts." They have those creepy military-esque uniforms and seem to be pretty serious about this whole "marching" thing. Probably not the funnest people around. Actually, probably not that cool either.
- Cornell: For some reason, Cornell is proud of being the "only real marching band in the Ivy League". Cornell is also the home of a large number of assholes. It's probably just a coincidence. They once invited us to a band "party," so we drank all their beer and stuck a pumpkin in their toilet. We hate Cornell.